


Suffocation

by vampiricrose



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comatose, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Not Beta Read, Seizures, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27024388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampiricrose/pseuds/vampiricrose
Summary: Ritsu's health is getting worse. It's fine, though, right? Mao would get told if it's anything to be super worried about, right?He hopes so.
Relationships: Isara Mao/Sakuma Ritsu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Suffocation

**Author's Note:**

> hey guiys i wrote angst :D  
> i AM writinga second part to cat/foxboy maoritsu so if u like that. hey. be ready
> 
> anwyway be wary of the tags; there'#s triggering topics here and some medical inaccuracies.  
> i didnt explictly mention what's up with ritsu here but i wrote it moreso as a mix of health issues ganging up on him at once instead of just one specifically hitting him hard.

A crash of thunder outside wakes Mao up suddenly, the sounds of rain hitting against the window breaking any chance of silence.    
It’s storming. Mao likes the rain. Summer is his favourite season by far, but the feeling and sound of rain is still something he enjoys.   
  
Sitting up, he rubs his eyes. It’s the middle of the night. He sits there in silence for a few seconds.    
  
Wait - where’s Ritsu?    
Mao could’ve sworn he fell asleep with him. Looking around, he sees no sign of him. His clothes are still thrown on the floor, but the bed is empty. He doubts he ran out in the middle of the night. He’s promised to not do that again.   
  
Blinking, his eyes catch onto something. The bathroom light is on.   
Ah.   
  
Ritsu probably just felt sick in the middle of the night, right..? Yeah - probably. Regardless, Mao should be a good boyfriend and check up on him.   
  
“Ritsu?” Mao calls out, stepping out from the duvet. He’s not wearing much - the bottoms of a pair of pajamas that Ritsu insisted he has to have the shirt of. It’s kind of a matching thing, kind of just Ritsu liking wearing Mao’s shirts. Plus, it saves money that they only need to buy one set for the pair of them.   
  
Grabbing a water bottle on the side, he walks over to the bathroom door. It’s locked, but the light shows through the gaps. He knocks on it. He sits down with his legs crossed, leaning against the door.   
  
He can hear the faint noises of pained breathing and wheezes through the door. They’re dulled down, like he’s trying his best to be silent but can’t handle it.   
“Ritchan, can you unlock the door?”   
  
Keeping his voice gentle and soft, he’s trying his best to stay calm, repressing the fear and worry bubbling up his chest.    
Strained breaths and a whimper, he hears the click of the door being unlocked.   
  
Standing back up again, Mao grabs the bottle of water and holds his breath when opening the door.    
  
The sight isn’t unfamiliar, as much as that upsets Mao.   
  
Ritsu’s hands are cut up on the palms and on the back, Mao can’t really pinpoint what could’ve caused that other than his own fangs. There’s a faint smell of vomit, but there’s no sight of it, so it’s safe to assume that’s something he doesn’t have to worry too much about.   
  
He kneels down, grasping Ritsu’s hands with his own and inspecting the damage. Ritsu flinches a little at the touch, and Mao apologises with a gentle rub on his knuckles.   
  
“What happened?”   
“Nothing.”   
  
Mao knows better, but he also knows better than to press him. Ritsu will talk when he wants to, especially when being caught red-handed like this, quite literally.   
  
Stretching over, he places the water bottle on the floor. There’s some bandages under the sink. He can clean the injury - it’s fine, it’s fine.    
  
“Sorry, this is probably gonna hurt,” he warns, using a damp flannel with a little bit of soap to clean his hands. Obviously it does, Ritsu’s breath getting louder and he shakes a little. It’s not surprising, despite how often Ritsu has to get injuries cleaned he’s still in pain by it.   
  
The bandages are tight around his hands. Enough to stay still but not enough to cut off blood circulation.    
  
“You gonna tell me what happened, or do you just wanna sleep now?” Mao asks, his voice gentle but concerned. It’s hard to mask the worry. Ritsu doesn’t blame him.    
  
Ritsu shakes his head, crawling into Mao’s arms. They’re still on the bathroom floor, so it’s a little awkward and uncomfortable, but it’s fine. Mao’s hands run through Ritsu’s hair, sticky from sweat but still distinctively soft.    
  
He carries him, wrapped around his torso and he flops back down into the bed. Ritsu is so cold and small in his arms, shaking a little from shock. Mao doesn’t blame him - waking up in the middle of the night to quite literally hurl your guts up isn’t pleasurable, he’d imagine.   
  
Chest against chest, soft skin against tough skin, it’s easy for Ritsu to fall asleep despite everything else drowning out.   
  
(Ritsu doesn’t tell Mao about what happened.)   
(Mao wants to know.)   
  
\---   
  
Mao wishes he knew - he should’ve pressed for an answer, he should’ve done better,  _ he could’ve stopped this, he wouldn’t be sitting in a hospital waiting room praying to whatever the fuck is listening to keep Ritsu alive for just a  _ **_few more fucking minutes_ ** .   
  
His head spins. It’s hard to remember what even happened - walking past Knights’ practice room to hear screams and begging, glancing in and seeing Ritsu collapsed on the floor cold, shaking as his heartbeat slows.   
  
His head hurts a little. The room spins with anxiety. There’s noise from inside the doctor’s room, quick talking and rapid footsteps around.   
  
Rei is next to him, hand resting comfortably on Mao’s shoulder. Comfort for the both of them, he wonders. Regardless of his reason it helps him a lot - to stay grounded, to not have a panic attack in the middle of a fucking hospital.   
  
Heart heavy with anxiety, he watches coldly as a doctor saunters up to the pair of them. Looking awfully pleased with himself, Mao wonders if this sort of situation is so normal to him that anxiety for him is useless.    
  
“Well, it’s not good news.”   
_ No shit. _   
  
Mao listens half-heartedly to the doctor, her voice is irritating. Explanations and symptoms, underlying health conditions and Mao’s half tempted to tell her to get the fuck on with it, but he doesn’t need to.   
  
He was put into an induced comatose due to a seizure. That’s all Mao really needed to know. They can’t tell if it’s idiopathic or if there’s another reason yet, but the main thing is that he’s stable and resting.   
  
Still, they don’t plan on letting him leave for a while. Mao stutters a nod, and Rei briefly glances at him. They both have responsibilities with their units today. Undead has a concert, Trickstar has practice.    
  
Seriously. Mao’s definitely gonna blow off his practice, they do more joking then actual practice, but Undead’s concerts are so popular that cancelling or postponing is going to  _ really _ fuck something up.   
  
Mao can see the inner debate in Rei’s mind. It’s obvious that he’s gonna end up cancelling it or postponing it a few days. If Rei picks otherwise, Mao would  _ never forgive him _ .   
  
“I’m gonna call Kaoru-kun,” Rei finally decides, breaking the comfortable silence between them. Mao nods. He’s gonna go to Ritsu.    
  
The hospital is pure white, it makes Mao’s eyes sting a little with discomfort. It doesn’t help that he can hear the brief noises of sobbing and beeps of heart rate monitors. This sort of place is miserable. Mao hates it. He hates it a lot.   
  
He pokes his head into Ritsu’s room. Hooked up to machines, eyes closed comfortably with a relaxed facial expression. It’d be beautiful if he wasn’t in an emergency room in a hospital.   
  
Mao moves to sit next to him. Just watching him is a better distraction than drowning in his thoughts. Shit.   
  
His phone buzzes once, twice. He should respond. But this peaceful moment is such a relaxation - he doesn’t want to break it.    
  
He has to, though. He has responsibilities. He can put them to the side for a brief period of time no matter what but he still has a responsibility to at least warn them about what’s happening.   
  
To his surprise - it’s not from Trickstar. It’s from Izumi. The two aren’t necessarily friends, but they’re on decent terms from sharing a dorm.    
  
sena: isara   
sena: you alive?   
isara: Yea   
isara: Whats up   
sena: guess.   
isara: If it’s abt ritsu it’s a little bit invasive of privacy   
sena: keeping his friends up to date isnt an invasion of privacy    
isara: Ykno what, fair enough   
isara: Hes in an induced coma rn they dont rly know what happened   
  
Izumi doesn’t respond for a while. Mao doesn’t care, really. It’s hard to care about miniscule things such as that when something much more important is quite literally in front of him.   
  
\---   
  
Hours turn to days, and days turn to weeks. It’s only been three weeks, but it feels so much longer. Mao misses the feeling of someone in bed with him, Rei says the house seems a lot more lonely now, Knights dislike missing a member, Flavour says it’s not the same without Ritsu’s treats, Craftmonster miss having a snarky voice in the background biting back at each statement.   
  
Knights’ fans are getting impatient, too. Messaging them when their next concert is, hey, why isn’t Ritsu posting anymore?    
There’s so much stress on all of their shoulders. Mao can’t help but feel a little contempt. Who is he angry at?   
  
The fans? No. It’s not their fault they’re kept in the dark.   
Ritsu? Mao wouldn’t dream of it.   
Knights? No. They’re just worried, the same as Mao.   
Rei? Nope. Rei has tried his best to keep everything the same despite the sudden wrench in the mix.   
Himself? Maybe.   
  
Mao has been thinking a lot. Maybe if he just pushed Ritsu more - got answers out of him, instead of letting him run from talking, until i _ t was too late _ . It’s stupid. He finds himself laying in bed with these thoughts gnawing at his mind.   
  
Is it his fault?    
  
It’s nobody’s fault, he keeps getting told. It’s not his fault Ritsu’s health dipped. He wonders if they’d think differently if they knew that Mao saw it happen but didn’t do anything in a foolish hope that Ritsu would reach out to him and talk.   
  
But Ritsu’s never done that. Why would he? Why would Mao hold onto the silly hope that Ritsu would say something though he’s never done it before.   
It’s his own fault, isn’t it?   
  
The worry eats him up inside. It’s a mix of guilt and shame. Mao begins to realise why Ritsu keeps so much stuff to himself now - although he feels like shit from keeping it inside, the thought of letting it out is inconceivable. What’ll happen? Everyone he knows are decent people, they wouldn’t persecute him for doing such a thing, but his mind says otherwise.   
  
Common sense barely wins over.   
  
\---   
  
Mao wakes up in the middle of the night to his phone ringing, loud. It makes his head spin uncomfortably to be woken up in such a way. His eyes are too blurry to even make out who’s calling.    
  
“ _ Maakun _ ,”   
  
Sitting up, Mao chokes out a cough. The sleepiness in his system is shocked out with pure unadulterated awareness. That’s Ritsu, isn’t it? Is that a dream? Is he still dreaming?    
  
“Ritsu?”   
“Hey.”   
  
Mao lays back down, hand on his face. God, he almost forgot what Ritsu’s voice sounded like. Thank god.   
  
A long array of questions sputter out from Mao’s lips, and he can practically hear the overwhelmedness in Ritsu’s voice, and he mumbles an apology. He’s just - happy? Is that the word? Relieved?    
  
They exchange pleasantries, Mao trying to get him back to date on things that happened. Ritsu seems happy, maybe it’s due to Mao’s voice. He even admits the first thing he did when being able to actually do things unsupervised is call him - he missed him a lot.   
  
“I heard Maakun a lot.”   
  
Mao smiles stupidly to himself. There’s a lot of work to do before Ritsu can even be considered healthy, let alone let out of the hospital, but this is a start. Knights are going to be optimistic. They’ve written a new song, actually, did you know that, Ritsu? Probably not, but they wrote a new song and it looks good.   
  
Ritsu laughs a little. There’s exhaustion behind his voice, and Mao almost laughs as well. Wow, almost a month asleep and Ritsu’s still tired?   
  
“Shut up.”   
“Hey, am I wrong?”   
  
There’s some movement in the background from Ritsu’s side, muffled words and mumbles of affirmation from Ritsu. He has to go now, but he’ll call Mao the next time he can, okay?    
“Yeah. I’ll see you soon, I love you.”   
  
Mao turns his phone back onto standby, curling back up in the bed. It feels warmer.   
  
He’s excited to see Ritsu again.

**Author's Note:**

> ty for readinggg i have happier fics soon!!! i pumped this out mainly as a vent-fic but i couldnt bare giving it a happy ending so that final part is rushed


End file.
